Sleepy Boy

 

One of my favorite parts of the day is nap time with this little guy.  He is such a ball of energy and emotions that resting beside him is so nice.  I love Moses so much and I thank God for him and for giving me the courage to have one more baby.  Pregnancy and postpartum are very challenging times for me. Moses' pregnancy may have been my most peaceful, with the least amount of anxiety.  

I have struggled so much with anxiety throughout my entire time as a mother that sometimes I can get pretty sad because I look back and wonder why things had to be so hard, why does this (the anxiety) have to be so much a part of my life? But I'm seeing that there is a lot of beauty in the struggle.  There is beauty in a woman struggling every day and every day showing up to the best of her ability.

These Summer Days...

 This summer has been a bit different because I am struggling with my health and not up to some of our normal summer activities, but that's okay! We're making it and my husband is pretty amazing at getting the kids to different activities.   I'm really hoping I will improve as the year progresses and next summer will look a lot different.  But, I have learned you don't have to make grand gestures to have beautiful memories together.  I think we have laughed more this summer than ever before. 

Boaz was trying to catch some hardened pine sap on fire. 

This is a coloring page Felicity and I worked on together.  We love to color and listen to Laura audio books, we're listening to On the Shores of Silver Lake right now, it may be my favorite.

Our sweet Boazshowing me some lichen. He was so excited! He finds beauty everywhere.

The younger kids and I had this terrarium kit for quite awhile and we finally put it together. Everyone got to help and it was a lot of fun! 

I am trying to restock my etsty store with decorated caps.  This one I made for myself, hope is the word I chose for this year.  I have seen other people choose a word to focus on for the year but I never thought it was for me.  Hope seemed like the perfect word for me this year.  It's not something that comes naturally to me, I'm so practical I annoy myself.  Hope is not a feeling but more of an action, a muscle I have to work on and exercise every day.

I read this Tuttle Twins book to everyone but Eleanor.  I'm not sure what I think of it, it was good but I wish there was a little bit more there.  I think I will get the next book and see if it builds on this.  But either way the kids really enjoyed it! 

May Birthdays

 We have three birthdays in May, Eleanor, Moses, and Athansius. In that order.:) Yesterday we celebrated Moses and Eleanor.  Clayton took the day off work, he also took Eleanor out for lunch at Maple Lane.  We celebrate our birthdays a little differently because the thought of organizing a party overwhelms me.  This is something I struggle with, but I'm learning it's okay to be different, it's okay to make adjustments to fit your needs. My biggest concern is that our kids will feel sad, but hopefully, they feel loved by the way we celebrate them and just how special they are to us.  

It's so hard to believe Eleanor is 15, it feels like yesterday we were in our little duplex where she was born.  Eleanor is kind and sincere.  I love talking with her.  We finally finished out Mocking Jay together! She has been posting art videos on youtube, I'm so, SO proud of her.  She is such a beautiful person. 

Moses is sweet and spicy these days! :) He still loves to be held and cuddled, and for that I'm thankful.  He does have a strong will but we are working with him.  He wants to do everything the other kids are doing.  He loves to play with legos, hot wheels, and OUTSIDE. :) We've been spending a lot of time at his sandbox. He likes to pour water in the sandbox and make a "waterfall".  He will be three tomorrow. :) 

A New Addition

Father Moses Berry gave us this beautiful bench! It used to be in his museum and then when that ended it went into storage. I love it so much and I'm thankful he thought of me.  I love having things in our home that once belonged to him and Magdalena. 

Cancer, My Love

 "Cancer, My Love" by Mioara Grigore has made such an impression on me.  I feel such a connection to Mioara, her fears, and her love for her children and husband. I can relate. Mioara married her dear husband when she was 35 and within six years they had five children. When their youngest was just a baby she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer.  She endured so much suffering and pain with the treatments.  But most of her pain came from her fears of leaving her children motherless. Her inability to take care of her family the way she was accustomed to also caused her a great deal of sorrow, I can understand because for months I have not had the energy I am used to and have not been able to bless and serve my family the way I would like too. For some, this is so hard. Some thrive off of serving others and when they can't it's depressing.  But Mioara found that through her suffering she learned what the love of Christ meant and I think learned to thank God for her cancer.  Sadly, after her breast cancer was treated she developed lung cancer.  Through all of this, she was somehow caring for her elderly mother and mother-in-law. She writes so honestly and beautifully. For me, this book is up there with "Everyday Saints". 

A Little Refresh

I recently rearranged our icon corner, it looks so much cleaner and fresh now.  We gave Clayton that beautiful St. John the Forerunner icon for his birthday (he turned 40 March 4)! 

Third Week of Lent

 We are in the third week of Lent and it's been a bit of a doozy. :) But we've made it through, thank God! Monday I woke up with horrible neck pain and locked up muscles. My neck was so tight my right shoulder was higher than my left.  I did a lot of heat, magnesium lotion, praying, and I think my husband anointed me.  It was an exhausting day because it was so hard to move and I was so uncomfortable.  Thankfully, I woke up Tuesday with less tightness.  I was so surprised! It felt miraculous considering how uncomfortable I was Monday.  

Then Wednesday early Wednesday morning I heard one of the kids get water.  Our kids are not early risers so I was worried something might be wrong.  When I got up to make our coffee, maybe around 7:30 Athanasius came in the kitchen looking awful! He looked pale, exhausted, and visibly unwell.  He had a fever and felt nauseous.  Later he vomited, had chills, and continued to look terrible.  Then he said, "I can't move my left hand good." The fingers of his hand were basically locked up, and that's when I realized he had been hyperventilating and I had not caught it.  He had been breathing weirdly, like out of breath but it wasn't registering until he mentioned his hand.  Years ago when I used to have pretty terrible panic attacks I would hyperventilate and my hands would curl up and sometimes I could not move them for quite a while.  Athanasius was also dehydrated because he felt so nauseous he was having a hard time drinking.  Our doctor recommended taking him to the ER.  His hand improved once they gave him fluids.  The doctor was baffled by his hand though, but I wasn't.  Today is Friday and he still looks puny but less weak and seems more himself, joking and being snarky. :) But man, a scare like that can really take a lot out of you, physically and emotionally.  

The kids have been doing school this morning. I read two stories to Moses earlier, Flicka Ricka Dicka and Papa and the Pioneer Quilt.  Moses and Felicity are playing with their animals, Clay is sitting with them, work must be slow.  I'm glad, usually, he is so busy.  Boaz has done math and is now doing his school reading.  They want to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today, we'll see. :)  Athanasius did his school reading and half a lesson in math, he is resting now. 

Eleanor is volunteering today at our library. Last night she and I watched the second Hunger Games movie.  It was so fun to hang out with her!! She read the books so I thought it would be fun to watch the movies together.  

I am determined to get more pictures of Eleanor and Athansius, but it is hard! They do not want their pictures taken very often.  

It is sunny today after several grey days, thank God!