New house, new season, new responsibilities and new interests, and in a way new kids. :) They are so much older than when I was regularly posting. I'm not sure where the time has gone. More now than ever I am trying to hone in on our family and what we need. I have lived most of my married life with blinders on, trying to focus on the simple and beautiful things in our little world. It's a conscious effort to do this, to tune out, as much as possible, distractions of the world that will discourage and shade the beauty around me. My family's joy and peace have been, for the past 14 years, my main focus.
For myself, I want to document some lessons I have learned.
~I can't make my children obey or have happiness, but I can respond with love and peace. I can give them time and space to have their emotions and times of growth. When I was a new mother I thought the measure of my success was in accordance to things running smoothly, emotionally and physically. But that's not true. And trying to live life that way will almost drive you crazy.
~ When my child is struggling whether it be with another sibling, or a fear, I try to validate, empathize, and LISTEN. I do not give them happy clappy positivity, because sometimes things do just suck for a little bit. But I can remind them to choose forgiveness and love. I've learned when you do validate someone's struggle, even if you don't understand it, you have a new connection with this person. Even if just one person understands what we're going through it feels manageable, almost like some of the burden has been lifted. And with that comes the motivation to improve, repent, and try a little harder.
~I've also learned it really is the small things our children will remember with love. Don't stress if you can't afford theme parks and nice vacations, an afternoon at a creek or roasting marshmallows in the back yard really are magical and will teach your children to be fascinated with God and his creation. We have a large Banana spider in our field we check on daily. I love that our kids find that exciting. It also prompted research and some photography on Eleanor's part. :)
~ Self care. That term is thrown around alot these days. At first I dismissed it, claiming it was an excuse for selfishness. But after, quite literally, running myself into the ground physically, mentally, and emotionally I've learned it is quite necessary to stay healthy. When our kids were really young my husband would try and give me breaks, either I wouldn't take him up on them or I would feel guilty the whole time. What was I thinking?? The guy wanted me to do something I wanted, by myself for a couple hours and I felt guilty?! I felt that way because I thought to be a good mom I had to do it all. I have since learned I can not do it all and if I try something's got to give and in my case it was my health, which sadly affected everyone in my family. If I could go back in time when we first started having kids I would try to be patient with myself, play with the kids more, and try to let the house be messier. But, I can't, I can only go forward with what I have learned. Self care will look different for everyone. Sometimes it's baking by yourself, going for a walk, going to the gym, walking through an antique store, meeting a friend for coffee. When I do take the time to recharge I am a much better wife and mother and more equipped for life's challenges.
I feel this urgency to hold on to our family life and it's simplicity even more. I think it's a mixture of what's happening in our country and the fact that our kids really are growing up so, so quickly. I want to remember that Eleanor takes beautiful photos and will sit in her room for hours creating art and comics. I want to remember that Athanasius and I worked on the camper together and when we finished he said, "It feels really good to get that done." Or how excited Boaz gets when he finds a new mushroom or identifies a tree with his field guide. I want to remember sitting on the couch with Felicity and all the books we read together,and how she climbs into our bed almost every night. How excited Moses gets when we go outside and how he cries when we come back in. The nights Clay and I sit on the porch with a drink after the kids are in bed, these are what I'm going to remember and hold onto when I feel discouraged about the world around me. I can only change myself and maybe I can change the world by loving those closest to me and doing the ordinary.
