One Step Forward, Several Back

 

I took this picture this morning to see if I looked as bad as felt. Turns out I look ok! HA! The past six days have been rough.  We felt so good and much better from Covid but we overdid it two weekends ago and have really paid for it.  This virus has been much more difficult and long than I expected. I did not expect to crash like we did.  Both Clay and I have been weak and tired. He has struggled with more brain fog and I have lost my appetite again.  It is slowly coming back.  The mornings are the most difficult for me because I usually have some anxiety and that makes eating even more challenging.  God is with us and has taught us so much. I have started thanking Him for things I didn't think I could be thankful for. Being consciously grateful is life-giving and helps pull you out of the pit.  The spiritual discussions Clay and I have had have been really nice.  Clay started reading the Prologue to us in the evenings and also a book recommended by our church.  Those times have gone so well and those discussions have also been great! 

Probably the two biggest lessons we have learned: God will always, always take care of us, and the second is to stop thinking about ourselves so much and pray for others.  

Elder Thaddeus of Vitovinca said, "I realized that we all worry about ourselves too much and that only he who leaves everything to the will of God can feel truly joyous, light, and peaceful." 

Having our eyes on ourselves and sufferings is just what the evil one wants! He wants us to be consumed with ourselves, terrified with fear, and believing his lies. Because when we are in this state we can not possibly do good. We are blinded from what really matters, knowing God. My husband calls it viewing our circumstances through a magnifying glass, everything is bigger than it really is.  I have lived most of my life this way and it is time to stop. Praying for others has been so helpful for me in times of anxiety. It helps me to calm down and to see that things aren't that bad.  I was pretty discouraged the other day about how long covid has lasted for us and my husband said, "your day is going to matter in eternity, how are you going to spend it?" I realized I could spend my tired, sick day feeling sorry for myself, or I could spend it praying for others. The latter brings peace and the first anxiety!